A preschooler grabs a toy from another child. Someone gets knocked down on the playground. Two friends both want the same marker, and neither one plans to give it up.

An adult may respond with, “Be nice,” “Share,” or “Say you’re sorry.” Those directions are understandable, but they assume a young child already knows what kindness looks like in that moment.

Children are not born knowing how to wait, share limited materials, recognize another person’s feelings, or repair a friendship after causing harm. They begin life with the capacity to care about others, but empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution are developmental skills. Children learn them by watching adults, hearing clear language, practicing with support, and getting another chance when they make a mistake.

World Kindness Day falls on Friday, November 13, 2026. The observance gives families and educators a useful reason to talk about kindness, but the deeper opportunity is to teach children the skills behind it. (Learn more about World Kindness Day 2026).

Kindness Develops Through Practice and Guidance

Adults sometimes describe children as naturally kind or unkind. That label misses what is happening developmentally.

A young child may care that a friend is crying but not know what to do next. Another child may grab a toy because waiting and using words are still difficult. A preschooler may say something hurtful without fully understanding how the words will affect someone else.

These moments do not automatically reveal a child’s character. They show adults which skills still need teaching.

Empathy includes noticing another person’s feelings, trying to understand that experience, and responding with care. Children have the capacity to develop empathy, but they do not always develop it without guidance. They learn by watching how adults respond to others, discussing feelings, hearing different perspectives, and practicing caring behavior in real situations. The Making Caring Common project at Harvard explains that children learn to notice, listen, and care by observing adults and peers who show them why empathy matters.

That means kindness cannot be taught through reminders alone. A child needs to hear the words, see the behavior, and practice the action many times.

Telling a Preschooler to “Be Nice” Often Is Not Enough

“Be nice” is a broad instruction. It tells children the general goal but not the specific behavior that will help them reach it.

Imagine two children pulling on the same toy truck. If the adult only says, “Be nice and share,” both children may remain confused. Who gets the truck? How long should they wait? What words should they use? What happens if they still feel angry?

A more useful response gives children language and a next step:

“You both want the truck. Olivia is using it now. Jordan, you can ask, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re finished?’ Let’s find another truck while you wait.”

The adult has not forced an immediate apology or required one child to surrender the toy. Instead, the adult has named the problem, acknowledged both perspectives, supplied useful language, and helped the children move forward.

The National Association for the Education of Young Children recommends helping children navigate conflict by describing what happened, identifying emotions, and teaching the self-regulation and language skills needed to solve the problem. Young children may continue having conflicts even when classroom rules such as “We are kind” are clearly established because the underlying skills are still developing. (Read NAEYC’s three-step approach to childhood conflict)

Clear language turns kindness from an abstract expectation into something children can actually do.

Adults Teach Kindness by Naming Other People’s Feelings

Children often focus on what they want, especially when they are excited, frustrated, or disappointed. Perspective-taking develops gradually, so adults can help make another person’s experience more visible.

Suppose a child knocks down a classmate’s block structure. Instead of beginning with “Look what you did,” an educator might say:

“Luis worked hard on that tower, and it fell when you pushed it. Look at his face. He seems upset.”

The teacher is not shaming the child. The teacher is connecting an action with its effect on another person.

The adult can then ask a simple question:

“What could help Luis right now?”

A young child may not know. That is where teaching begins. The adult can offer two reasonable choices:

“Would you like to help rebuild the tower, or would you like to bring Luis some blocks?”

This approach helps children understand that kindness involves more than saying the word “sorry.” It involves noticing what happened and taking a meaningful step to repair it.

Parents can use the same approach at home. When reading a book or watching a program together, pause and ask:

What do you think that character is feeling?
What happened that made them feel that way?
What might help them?
Have you ever felt something similar?
What could the other character do next?

These conversations give children a low-pressure way to practice empathy before they need it during a real conflict.

Children Learn Kindness from the Words Adults Use

Children watch adults closely. They notice how we speak to family members, teachers, cashiers, neighbors, and people who disagree with us.

An adult cannot teach respectful communication while regularly using insults, sarcasm, or humiliation. Children are more likely to repeat the behavior they observe than follow a rule that adults do not model.

Kindness does not mean adults must avoid every disagreement or hide frustration. Children benefit from seeing adults handle conflict honestly and respectfully. A parent might say, “I disagree, but I want to understand what you mean,” or “I was frustrated and spoke too sharply. I’m sorry. Let me try again.”

These small repairs are powerful examples. They teach children that kind people still make mistakes, experience anger, and need boundaries. What matters is taking responsibility and returning to respectful communication.

Words also shape how children see themselves. Calling a child mean, selfish, rude, or a bully can turn a behavior into an identity. Try describing the action instead:

“You grabbed the marker while she was using it.”

“That comment hurt his feelings.”

“You wanted the first turn, and you pushed.”

Describing the behavior gives the child something specific to change. It also leaves room for growth.

Teachers Build Kindness Through Classroom Demonstrations

World Kindness Day can become more than a wall of paper hearts or a list of good deeds. It can give early childhood educators an opportunity to demonstrate the skills that make kindness possible.

A classroom lesson might begin with two puppets arguing over the same toy. The teacher could pause and ask children what each puppet may be feeling. Children could then suggest words, actions, or solutions for the puppets to try.

The demonstration can follow five practical steps.

Teachers Name Another Child’s Emotion

The teacher describes what can be observed without claiming to know exactly what someone feels.

“I see Sam looking down and holding his picture. He may feel sad that it tore.”

This helps children connect facial expressions, body language, and situations with emotional language.

Teachers Offer Two Ways to Help

A broad question such as “What should we do?” may be too difficult for a young child. Two choices make caring action easier to understand.

“Would you like to help tape the picture, or would you like to bring Sam another piece of paper?”

The child gets to participate without being forced into physical affection or a scripted response.

Teachers Practice Turn-Taking

Turn-taking is easier when the process is concrete. Educators can use a timer, visual turn card, duplicate materials, or a clear statement about what happens next.

“Ava has the shovel now. When the timer rings, Malik gets a turn.”

Children learn that waiting has an ending and that adults will help protect each person’s opportunity.

Teachers Help Children Repair Harm

A forced apology may produce the correct words without building understanding. Repair asks the child to consider what could make the situation better.

A child might return a toy, rebuild a structure, clean up spilled materials, offer another turn, or check whether the other child is okay. An apology can be part of the repair, but it should not be the only option children learn.

Teachers Use Puppets to Rehearse Social Situations

Puppets create emotional distance from a difficult situation. Children can explore what a character should do without feeling accused or embarrassed.

A puppet might be left out of a game, become angry while waiting, accidentally hurt a friend, or misunderstand a classmate. Children can name the problem, suggest responses, and act out different endings. This helps them rehearse language they may later use with peers.

Children Learn Sharing Through Realistic Expectations

Adults often treat sharing as the clearest sign of kindness. For young children, however, sharing can be complicated.

A child who is deeply involved with a toy may not be ready to hand it over simply because another child wants it. Immediate forced sharing can also interrupt concentration and teach children that another person’s request always overrides their work.

Turn-taking is often a more useful skill. It gives the current child time to finish and gives the waiting child a clear path to participation.

An adult might say:

“You are using the truck now. When you are finished, please give it to Kai.”

To the waiting child:

“She is still using it. You can wait beside me, choose another vehicle, or ask her to bring it to you when she is done.”

Children also need practice sharing materials that are meant for group use. During an art or STEAM activity, educators can place a limited number of tools in the center and help children ask, wait, exchange, and solve problems together.

The goal is not immediate compliance. It is helping children gradually become able to balance their own needs with the needs of others.

Play Gives Children a Safe Place to Practice Kindness

Play regularly creates the exact situations children need in order to build social skills.

During block play, children decide what to build and who will use each material. Dramatic play requires them to take roles, listen to ideas, and adjust a shared story. Art and STEAM projects encourage children to share tools, explain plans, and recover when another person changes the design.

These situations do not always look peaceful. Children disagree, interrupt, grab, exclude, and become frustrated. That does not mean the play has failed. It means a learning opportunity has appeared.

A skilled educator does not solve every problem immediately. The teacher observes, helps children name what is happening, and offers enough support for them to participate in the solution.

Across our Centers of Excellence in Greater Houston, hands-on, play-based curriculum creates daily opportunities for children to practice cooperation, empathy, communication, and problem-solving. Certified early childhood education training helps educators recognize the difference between stopping a behavior and teaching the skill that should replace it.

This is one way a high-quality early learning program differs from drop-in daycare or basic supervision. The adult is not simply keeping children occupied or separating them when conflict begins. The educator is intentionally helping children build the abilities they will need in kindergarten, relationships, and future learning.

STEAM Activities Help Children Practice Cooperation

STEAM learning may seem unrelated to kindness, but collaborative projects require many social-emotional skills.

Imagine three preschoolers building a bridge. One child wants to use blocks, another wants cardboard, and the third begins placing toy animals on the structure. The group must communicate, negotiate, share space, and adapt when an idea does not work.

The educator can guide the interaction with questions:

“What is each person’s idea?”

“How can everyone add something?”

“Who needs the tape next?”

“What happened when the bridge fell?”

“How can you help your team try again?”

Children are learning engineering, measurement, design, and cause and effect. They are also learning that another person’s idea may be different without being wrong.

Kindness in this context is not decorative. It is practical. Children need it to collaborate, communicate, and complete the project together.

Families Teach Kindness Through Everyday Responsibilities

Kindness grows when children have meaningful opportunities to contribute at home. A child who carries napkins to the table, helps feed a pet, or picks up toys is learning that their actions affect other people.

Parents can make that connection explicit:

“When you put the books away, everyone could find them later.”

“You brought Grandma her water. That was helpful because her hands were full.”

“You noticed your brother was upset and brought him his blanket.”

Specific feedback helps children understand what made the action caring. “You’re such a good kid” may feel warm, but it does not explain what the child did or why it mattered.

Families can also discuss kindness after difficult moments. If siblings fight over a toy, avoid deciding immediately which child is the “nice one” and which is the problem. Help both children describe what happened, identify what they needed, and find a safer next step.

Children will not always choose the kind response. Adults do not either. The goal is to build the skill through repetition, accountability, and repair.

Kindness Includes Boundaries and Self-Respect

Teaching kindness should not mean teaching children to accept every request, share personal belongings on demand, or tolerate behavior that makes them uncomfortable.

A child can be kind and still say:

“No, I’m using that.”

“I don’t want a hug.”

“Please stop.”

“I need space.”

“I’m going to ask a teacher for help.”

Healthy kindness includes respect for oneself and others. Children need to understand that helping is good, but they are not responsible for fixing every person’s feelings. They should never be pressured into physical affection or told that setting a reasonable boundary is unkind.

Adults can model this balance by respecting a child’s “no” when the choice is safe and appropriate. We can also teach children to express a boundary clearly without hurting someone else.

For example:

“You can say, ‘I’m still using the toy. You can have it when I’m finished.’ You do not need to yell or push.”

This gives children language that protects both their needs and the relationship.

Adults Should Avoid Turning Kindness Into a Performance

World Kindness Day can inspire meaningful activities, but kindness should not become a contest.

A classroom does not need to count which child completes the most good deeds. Families do not need to post every caring act online. Public rewards can shift attention away from another person’s needs and toward recognition from adults.

Instead, ask reflective questions:

What did you notice?
How did you know someone needed help?
What did you decide to do?
How did your action affect the other person?
Did someone help you today?
Is there anything you would do differently next time?

These questions help children think about the relationship between feelings, choices, and consequences. They also make room for quieter acts of care that adults may not immediately see.

A child who moves over to make room for someone, returns a dropped crayon, or waits while a friend finishes speaking is practicing kindness. Those moments may not create a dramatic classroom display, but they are evidence that the skill is developing.

Collaborative for Children Builds Kindness into School Readiness

Kindness is sometimes treated as separate from academic learning. In reality, children need social-emotional skills to participate in a classroom community.

A child who can ask for a turn is more prepared to join a group. A child who can recognize another person’s frustration is better equipped to collaborate. A child who can repair a friendship after conflict can return attention to learning.

This is why our Centers of Excellence support the whole child. Educators build early literacy, math, language, and STEAM skills while also teaching children to regulate emotions, communicate needs, solve social problems, and work with others.

According to Collaborative for Children’s program outcomes, 85% of children enrolled in Centers of Excellence perform in the top tiers of social-emotional school readiness assessments. That result reflects learning environments where relationships, behavior guidance, play, and academic development are connected rather than treated as separate priorities.

Our work also supports the adults responsible for creating those environments. Through certified early childhood education training, coaching, and curriculum support, educators learn how to guide conflict, model empathy, recognize bias, support different communication styles, and help children participate without expecting every child to respond in the same way.

Kindness is not built through one activity. It grows through the culture adults create around children every day.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can kindness and empathy be taught to young children?

Yes, kindness and empathy can be developed through adult modeling, conversations about feelings, role-play, guided conflict resolution, and repeated opportunities to respond to other people’s needs. Children have the capacity for empathy, but they need adults and peers to help them practice it.

What should I say instead of telling my child to “be nice”?

Describe the situation and give your child a specific action to try. For example, say, “Your friend is still using that toy. Ask if you can have a turn when they are finished,” or “She looks upset. Would you like to help rebuild her tower or bring her the blocks?”

Should children be required to apologize?

Children should be guided to understand what happened and repair the harm, but repeating a forced apology does not guarantee understanding. Depending on the situation, repair may include returning an item, helping rebuild something, checking on the other child, cleaning up a mess, offering another turn, or giving a sincere apology.

Can Kindness Be Taught? Houston Early Educators Say Yes